Complaining feels good, it places a problem on the table and like wild hyenas, everybody gets stuck in and attempts to have their slice as everyone around the table nods in mutual satisfaction. A solution may not have been reached, but the venting process is often enough to feel mentally satisfied. But do we need to do it?
I've grown up my whole life around naggers and complainers. Some of my family, close friends and colleagues along the way have all enjoyed a good moan. It was deeply embedded within the culture of my upbringing. So it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I too became a complainer.
But with time and maturity, it becomes apparent that complaining is simply an attempt at emotional validation. You want somebody to validate your bad experience; you want a friend to tell you that it was the boss that was in the wrong and not you. That yes, the waiter did have a bad attitude when we ordered our meal and that it's totally bullshit that a doctor can't fit you in within the next week.
What also becomes apparent is the burden this trait places on the people closest to you. It's fundamentally negative. With repetitiveness, you become known for speaking of the wrong - Like the anchorman on the 5 o'Clock news, your reputation swiftly becomes that of the bearer of bad news. Solutions often never follow; just more struggle, problems and issues for those around you to apprehend and digest.
Stop that shit now. Master the cold face and become capable at producing solutions and only the solutions to your issues. Nobody has to bottle up their issues, a good friend should always be available to converse with when you're truly in need and when you're out of your depth. But this article is a direct challenge to make you think about the value of your words. Do people really have to hear about the fact that your bus was late and that you got to work late again? No, chalk it up to something you can personally fix and take responsibility for in the future.
So what is the cold face?
This is the face that gives nothing away to those around you. It comes from a strength that has nothing to do with muscles. It is the heart of dignity that means you will face your problems with nothing but calmness. Its secret is that it is more than a simple mask. Learning it brings its own calm, so that you have conquered fear and your flesh. This is a mindset.
The immediate effect of removing the act of complaining from your life becomes the aura of positivity around your presence. The people I look up to the most and respect, don't complain. They handle their issues with authority and capability without adding their problems to the healthy airtime around friends.
I leave you all with this quote, describing the cold face from one of my favorite books:
The founder of Capable Men.
Currently operating personal projects while he simultaneously attempts to develop the Capable Men platform. John served five years in the British army, with a tour of duty in Afghanistan before eventually departing the forces to begin a career in the private security sector.
John attended several private protection courses dealing with security strategy, close-quarters combat training, firearms and advanced driving. This new profession took him worldwide Including the protection of government assets in South America, VIP tasks on the Côte d'Azur and security work within the French Alps.
His interests include global affairs, philosophy, hiking, sports and fitness.